They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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