whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
