we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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