Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
