YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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