just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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