We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
