at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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