just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
