I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
