this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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