I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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