There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
