If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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