so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
