My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm like, not good at living.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
