i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
