Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
