i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
