my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
