I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
