Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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