as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
