i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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