i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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