i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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