We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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