i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
