a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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