I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
