I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
