She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
