Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
