I can text with my tongue
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
