im six kinds of drunk right now
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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