how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
