The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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