Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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