dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
