Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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