Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize