I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
try to milk me bitch
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
