I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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