If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We have started to decorate penises.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
