my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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