Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
