I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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