dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
