Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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