Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
