I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
