Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
