OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Let's paint friendship bongs
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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