a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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