he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
