I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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