And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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