I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
