My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
