so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
