distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
