I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
