He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
