apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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