white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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