we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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