hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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