Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Congratulations! We have a period
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