I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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