Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize