Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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