.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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