I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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