This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
