i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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