it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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