Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
