Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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